"When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further, when life seems to be drained of all purpose; what a wonderful opportunity to start all over again, to turn over a new page."
Eileen Caddy 
48 hours ..........................
Less than 48 hours is what I have left before I open this door to a new journey!
48 hours from now, I will be done, or nearly done with my surgery!
The nerves that I had over the weekend have slowed, and I feel excitement now, and lots of energy! I will spend this afternoon gathering the things I need for the hospital and and pack my bag, and finalize things for my kids.
So much to do, but glad I saved it for the last couple of days. It will help time pass quickly, before I know it, I will be finished with my hospital stay and back home to recover.
I had decided a few weeks back, to come out about my surgery. I felt that by not being open about it, indicated I should be ashamed I was getting it done. I am so glad I have told the world, and my feedback has been great! I am glad I have the support of family, friends, and acquaintances!
The encouranging words of support mean to world to me, and they are making this trip a lot easier!
I feel so blessed to have this opportunity to obtain an effective tool to use in my journey to become fit!! I know it is what I need to be doing, and have seen divine intervention over and over in making it happen! I am SO, SO, SO grateful, and am looking forward to fantastic new experiences and finding the passion for life once again! : )
 Today is 5 days pre-op for my gastric bypass surgery. Yesterday, I had my final Dr. apt, got my EKG, blood and urine tests, and did my pre-admission to the hospital.
Needless to say, the reality of what I am doing is hitting me in a big way!
I am not scared of the surgery itself, well, perhaps maybe a little bit.
Something about being put to sleep and putting your life in the hands of people you don't or hardly know,
it tends to make a control freak like myself feel a bit weak in the knees!
However, that is not what I am fearing most.
I have ONE MAJOR fear with this surgery! It has nothing to do with risks involved or possible complications.
It has nothing to do with the changes that I know MUST take place in my life.
It has nothing to do with my relationships and how they may change post weight loss.
The thing I fear MOST, is WHAT IF I FAIL???
I suppose this is an emotion that is normal for most, however, in me, this thought is plaguing me as my date draws near. For years, my weight has been a daily fight for me.
I have spent hours upon hours thinking and planning and goal setting, all in the name of getting healthier.
Each and every time I tried, I would get close, just to slide backwards and end up at the beginning.
I have honestly tried to learn from each and every attempt. I have added new ideas and concepts and taken away ones I felt were not helpful to me.
I have tried to look at each attempt as "practice" or "experience", rather than failure!
Now as I get close to my surgery date, that dang fear of failure pops up over and over again.
What if??? What IF I FAIL???
I suppose if I hadn't had all the "experience" that I have had, I might not be so fearful.
If I had only tried once or twice, and only somewhat committed myself, the failed attempts may not have such an affect on me.
On the other hand, if I had not tried all the times I have, I may not be as prepared as I am to succeed in this.
Contrary to popular opinion is on this surgery, it is by far, NOT easy!
It is not something that you get and 9 months later, kabam, you are all skinny!
You cannot just sit on your behind, eat what you like and be successful.
Someone that has hardly tried, not seen as much failure, or another words, not gained as much experience, may not have my same fear of failure. However, they may not have or will have to learn the skills to be successful.
I already have these tools. I have walked to path and gained the knowledge I KNOW will help me be successful in the end.
I Cannot allow fear to dictate my life anymore, it already has done so enough.
I cannot be afraid of failure, I have lots of practice and experience that will be to my benefit.
I cannot let those pesky thoughts rule me, they are just that...merely thoughts!
So now, I will continue to prepare my mind, body and spirit for big changes, and joyfully look fear in the face,drive forward, and laugh!!!
"There is no failure except in no longer trying."
Elbert Hubbard
WOW!!! Today everything becomes a reality! I am 15 days pre-op.
TOMORROW, I start my 2 week
VERY LOW CALORIE DIET!
What is a very low calorie diet, you may ask??? Well, it's simple-
9 ounces of lean protein, 2 servings of fruit, and 2 servings of vegetables (non-starchy).
It's simple because there is not much food to consume,
it's not so simple because it is not much food to consume!!!
I have to admit, I am a little psyched out about this diet. I know I can do it!
After all, it is only 2 weeks long.
Thinking about it, I doubt its the diet that is psyching me out as much as the realization that this is IT!!!!
After today, I will no longer be able to consume my drug of choice....SUGAR!
Post-op my body will be re-plumbed in a manner that consuming sugar will, most likely,
make me violently ill.
If my body reacts the way it should, this is an effect that will stay with me for the rest of my life!
So, today is my farewell to sugar. It's been a love-hate relationship with you for far too long,!
Change is hard, and this, I have to admit, is one of the hardest things for me to let go of.
I will have to come up with alternatives to consuming sugary treats!
I see lots of walks , writing, and meditating to get me through my stressful times,
rather than turning to my old standby.
Now, time to say.....GOODBYE!!!. 
Ok, so here is the deal! After much research and consideration, I have decided that I would proceed forward with my some pretty drastic steps to reach a healthy weight.
I am proceeding forward with Gastric Bypass, Roux-en-Y surgery. I have thought this through completely, and am at peace with my decision to do so.
I have also pondered as to who and when I would tell people. Would I even tell people at all? I decided that I needed to tell people, why wouldn't I? I have NOTHING to be ashamed about! Not telling people indicates that I should be embarrassed, or that I am doing something wrong, but I feel as though, I have done due diligence and have nothing to feel bad about!
This is NOT the "EASY WAY OUT", nor do I think anyone that knows me should think I have taken an easy path getting to this point!
Before you get all, "what are you thinking" on me, Let me explain a few things.
BACKGROUND
1.I have fought this weight battle for a long time. I am not a person, content to sit idly by, while the pounds piled on. I have fought my weight! I have battled my weight actively for the better part of 9 years. I was overweight for 10 years before that, but with pregnancies and young children, my fighting was not as active.
2. I have taken college classes on nutrition, weight management, exercise, and health, and applied the principles to my own battle.
3. I worked out on a regular basis for many years. I am not talking about walking on a treadmill, or some other light, low-impact non-sweating workout. NO....I did intense workouts that created sweat pouring from every pore, and sore muscles that I felt for days! I worked out for HOURS...not minutes....HOURS a day! I know how to work my body, and I did!
4. I researched weight-loss methods and various diets, which I implemented into my own life.
5. I researched and applied healthy principles into my daily life.
6. I used to support from the medical community to help me with my obesity battle.
7. I learned how to use and applied various methods, such as visualization and hypnotism techniques.
8. I have a STRONG family pre-disposition leaning toward obesity, and the health issues that stem from it!
9. I have not had one single day pass by that I did not think about my battle, how I could battle it more effectively and beat it once and for all.
10. Obesity has RULED and CONTROLLED my life for far too long!
Regardless of what I have done to lose weight, my body would not stabilize itself at the lower weight, nor would the weight come off without drastic workouts and diets, unrealistic for the normal person to continue for long periods of time. The long workouts have also taken excessive tole on my body, creating overuse injuries, and subsequent arthritis.
MY PREPERATION
1. I have researched and sought out the good the bad and the ugly of WL surgery for over 10 years.
2. I have multiple close friends who have had successful WL surgery.
3. I have talked to Doctors, nutritionists, fitness experts to educate myself about the surgery from a medical perspective.
4. I have researched online Blogs, YouTube VLOGS etc from strangers journeys and first-hand accounts of their experiences, and even their complications from the surgery, as well as their successes.
5. I have watched a video of the same procedure I will be getting done.
6. I have planned out my course for this surgery, prior steps as well as post-operative steps to ensure my own success.
7. I have created a great support group as I go through this journey!
MY WHY
1. I want to live to be numerically old; to watch my children grow up, get married and have families of their own.
2. I want to be the cool Grandma, full of energy and life to enjoy my grandbabies!
3. I want to look like I feel inside...young, vibrant, energetic and full of life!
4. I want to be free of pain from the weight I carry around!
5. I want to jump out of an airplane with my son when he turns 18!
6. I want to get into endurance road biking, and ride in bike tours around the US
7. I want to run a marathon and run a tri-athlon.
8. I want to have the energy to live life.
9. I want to break free from my fat prison.
10. I want to inspire others to make hard changes, and fight tough battles.
11. I want to impart knowledge I have learned from my own battle and help others because I have been there too, and I KNOW how it feels!
12. I want to exercise because I LOVE it, and NOT because if I don't I will gain weight!
13. I want to have confidence to show my talents, use them, and share them.
14. I know this one sounds vain, but lets get real here...who doesn't want this....but I want to be drop-dead gorgeous, and when I walk into a room, people notice me!!!
15. I WANT to be an ACTIVE participant in life and my children's lives, rather than watch from the side-lines.
And so, here is to the start of my new journey....one that is going to take me to places I have never been, or at least, not for a very, very long time! It's a new start, a new life, and and new journey! Won't you join me along my path? I would love to have your support as I travel it!
Scientists have discovered that
leaving clothes in dark closets
over a long period of time causes
shrinkage.
Women on diets already
knew that!!!
Well.....As you can see, I have not been writing in my blog! Why? Well, it's a simple thing called shame and embarrassment. As much as I would love to make some changes to my health, I am finding it rather difficult to make them. I have the tools, I know what I need to do, I look in the mirror and see a grossly obese individual who has apparently lost all control in her life. I KNOW I need to do this! I am not sure what is holding me back right now....could be the stress of losing my father, a crazy busy life, a body that no longer wants to do what I ask of it, the fact that I feel so overwhelmed about starting this journey that took so long before, I can go on and on and on, however, I won't.
The fact of the matter is, that I am right back to square one. I weigh the same today as I did 9 years ago; when my original journey started. I am at a point now, where some serious decisions HAVE to be made. I have to decide if I want to live, or do I want to die from obesity. Do I want to embrace my life and live with passion? Or do I want to fade away more and more, allowing myself to be overcome with the fat prison I have put myself into? Obviously, I do not want to do the later or else I would not be doing this blog.
So, it leaves me with some questions I need to get some answers to. Can I do this myself? Are the many tools I have acquired over the years going to be enough this time? What kind of support do I need to have to make myself successful? What kind of program do I need to follow? Obviously the same exercise til I drop and starve myself isn't going to cut it this time. I have arthritis from overuse injuries that has flared up as my weight has increased. I feel like a old lady that needs a cane to walk.
Actually, I have come to realize the answers to my questions...
Can I do this myself? NO. I have tried so many times and if doing it myself was the answer, I would have succeeded already.
Are my tools enough? NO...once again, I have a huge arsenal of tools, and I have used them all in various combinations...but like the first answer, If I was going to succeed with just these tools, I already would have.
What kind of support do I need? All the support I can get....I need all of my family, friends and neighbors to cheer and encourage me. I need support of the medical community, psychological support, support of fellow OA members through regular attended meetings, and the support of A loving Father in Heaven.
What kind of program do I need to follow? Well, I am currently looking into some things that I have always viewed as last resort. It will require hard work both mentally and physically. I am not ready to discuss those options yet, but when I am further down the road, I will discuss them, with understanding that positive support and encouragement will be needed!
Til, then, here's to a new journey down the same, yet very different path! This time, I am ready to do a 180 and stay there...this 360 thing really sucks!
Well, so far, so good! I am nearly 2 weeks into my journey back to fit, and have already seen some great results!
1. I have discovered that I can work around my schedule to fit in the gym!
2. I have been to the gym 4 times this past week, worked through the pain, and sickness to create a good habit!
3. I have been diligent with my nutritional aspect of my journey, and am eating more mindfully!
4. I am already down 6 pounds as of day 10, which is ahead of my goal!!!
I have been wondering what challenge should I tackle next?
Well, as I have stated in prior posts, I am a huge sugar addict.
I am making a goal to avoid eating sugar in it's processed form for the entire month of October!
YES, EVEN Halloween!!!
This includes; candy, cakes, cookies, white bread products, white pasta, white rice, soda, sweetened chocolate and any other processed form of this poison!
What I am allowing if fruits, natural no calorie sweeteners such as Truvia or Xylatol, raw cocoa products, sugar free jellos, puddings, and yogurts.
I will begin my challenge on October 1st and end it on November 1st!
I challenge YOU to join me on my journey! JUST DO IT!!! You don't have to be as rigid as me, do it your own way, but not matter what....DO IT!!! It's ONLY one month out of your life!
Join me and feel the difference that going without sugar WILL have on YOU!!!
Isn't this all too true???
My family LOVES home-made pizza. The problem is, even home-made pizza is quite high in calories and fat. I went on a mission to find a great, healthy substitute that my family would LOVE!!! This is tried and true and yes, the family LOVES it! I am writing this the way I make it for myself, I also have the traditional toppings available so everyone can make what they like.  Pita Pizzas (written for 1 serving)
1 Whole grain Flat Out
(I prefer Flat Out Wraps for myself, pita for kids)
Pizza sauce
Pesto sauce
Various Vegetable toppings such as:
Baby Spinach Leaves
Onions
Roma Tomatoes (sliced)
Mushrooms (sliced)
Roasted Red Peppers (diced)
1/4 C. Gorgonzola Cheese
(if you prefer other cheese, use that)
Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 350'. If using Flat bread, place flat bread on cookie sheet and spray lightly with olive oil cooking spray (skip this step for pitas). Bake for 4-5 minutes, just long enough to make it slightly crisp. Remove from oven and turn the flat bread over. Spread about 1 tsp pizza sauce and 1 T pesto sauce around on the flat bread. Top the sauce with whatever vegetables you like, then sprinkle with cheese.
Place in oven for 8-10 minutes until cheese is melted and toppings are hot. Slice and enjoy!
*This pizza version will vary in calories and fat, depending on what you use for toppings and if you use flat bread or pitas.*
As written, using Flat Out Wraps, it is approx. 200 calories for the whole pizza.
This is one pizza you can eat without guilt!!!
 I have never been into drinking, smoking or doing drugs. In fact, those things have never even appealed to me.
Yet, I still have an addiction, a chemical substance that my body craves and has withdrawals from lack of it.
This substance is my “go to” drug. It’s the one I turn to when I am stressed, sad, happy, mad, or just plain bored.
This is not a substance that one would think of as a drug, but I am learning to see it for what it is!
It is dangerous to my mind, spirit and body.
It takes control of me and puts me into a downward spiral that causes binges that can last for days, weeks and even months. The more times I go to this drug, the harder it is to break the control it has on me.
The SCARY thing is, THIS drug can be found on any supermarket, or pantry shelf.
This drug is so accessible that most people ingest it daily.
This drug is known as SUGAR!
Just a few facts about sugar I thought I would share…..
1. Sugar has NO nutritional value. All the nutrients that were in the original corn, beets, or cane are completely processed out, leaving only the sweet chemical known as sugar.
2. Sugar breaks down your body’s ability to fight infections
3. Sugar changes the makeup of collagen, leading to premature aging of the skin.
4. Sugar has very similar chemical make-up as cocaine
5. Sugar can increase risk of many cancers
6. Sugar IS addicting
7. Sugar is a leading contributor to obesity
8. Sugar contributes to multiple vitamin and mineral deficiencies in the body
9. Sugar can increase symptoms of PMS
10. Sugar can cause headaches
11. Sugar can break down the function of multiple vital organs
12. Sugar can induce cellular death
13. Sugar can cause gum disease
14. Sugar can thicken your blood making it sticky
15. Sugar can increase risk of heart disease
These are just a few of the many effects that sugar has on our bodies, minds and emotional health. I think this is one chemical I CAN live without!!!
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