Today is 5 days pre-op for my gastric bypass surgery. Yesterday, I had my final Dr. apt, got my EKG, blood and urine tests, and did my pre-admission to the hospital.
Needless to say, the reality of what I am doing is hitting me in a big way!
I am not scared of the surgery itself, well, perhaps maybe a little bit.
Something about being put to sleep and putting your life in the hands of people you don't or hardly know,
it tends to make a control freak like myself feel a bit weak in the knees!
However, that is not what I am fearing most.
I have ONE MAJOR fear with this surgery! It has nothing to do with risks involved or possible complications.
It has nothing to do with the changes that I know MUST take place in my life.
It has nothing to do with my relationships and how they may change post weight loss.
The thing I fear MOST, is WHAT IF I FAIL???
I suppose this is an emotion that is normal for most, however, in me, this thought is plaguing me as my date draws near. For years, my weight has been a daily fight for me.
I have spent hours upon hours thinking and planning and goal setting, all in the name of getting healthier.
Each and every time I tried, I would get close, just to slide backwards and end up at the beginning.
I have honestly tried to learn from each and every attempt. I have added new ideas and concepts and taken away ones I felt were not helpful to me.
I have tried to look at each attempt as "practice" or "experience", rather than failure!
Now as I get close to my surgery date, that dang fear of failure pops up over and over again.
What if??? What IF I FAIL???
I suppose if I hadn't had all the "experience" that I have had, I might not be so fearful.
If I had only tried once or twice, and only somewhat committed myself, the failed attempts may not have such an affect on me.
On the other hand, if I had not tried all the times I have, I may not be as prepared as I am to succeed in this.
Contrary to popular opinion is on this surgery, it is by far, NOT easy!
It is not something that you get and 9 months later, kabam, you are all skinny!
You cannot just sit on your behind, eat what you like and be successful.
Someone that has hardly tried, not seen as much failure, or another words, not gained as much experience, may not have my same fear of failure. However, they may not have or will have to learn the skills to be successful.
I already have these tools. I have walked to path and gained the knowledge I KNOW will help me be successful in the end.
I Cannot allow fear to dictate my life anymore, it already has done so enough.
I cannot be afraid of failure, I have lots of practice and experience that will be to my benefit.
I cannot let those pesky thoughts rule me, they are just that...merely thoughts!
So now, I will continue to prepare my mind, body and spirit for big changes, and joyfully look fear in the face,drive forward, and laugh!!!
"There is no failure except in no longer trying."
Elbert Hubbard
Needless to say, the reality of what I am doing is hitting me in a big way!
I am not scared of the surgery itself, well, perhaps maybe a little bit.
Something about being put to sleep and putting your life in the hands of people you don't or hardly know,
it tends to make a control freak like myself feel a bit weak in the knees!
However, that is not what I am fearing most.
I have ONE MAJOR fear with this surgery! It has nothing to do with risks involved or possible complications.
It has nothing to do with the changes that I know MUST take place in my life.
It has nothing to do with my relationships and how they may change post weight loss.
The thing I fear MOST, is WHAT IF I FAIL???
I suppose this is an emotion that is normal for most, however, in me, this thought is plaguing me as my date draws near. For years, my weight has been a daily fight for me.
I have spent hours upon hours thinking and planning and goal setting, all in the name of getting healthier.
Each and every time I tried, I would get close, just to slide backwards and end up at the beginning.
I have honestly tried to learn from each and every attempt. I have added new ideas and concepts and taken away ones I felt were not helpful to me.
I have tried to look at each attempt as "practice" or "experience", rather than failure!
Now as I get close to my surgery date, that dang fear of failure pops up over and over again.
What if??? What IF I FAIL???
I suppose if I hadn't had all the "experience" that I have had, I might not be so fearful.
If I had only tried once or twice, and only somewhat committed myself, the failed attempts may not have such an affect on me.
On the other hand, if I had not tried all the times I have, I may not be as prepared as I am to succeed in this.
Contrary to popular opinion is on this surgery, it is by far, NOT easy!
It is not something that you get and 9 months later, kabam, you are all skinny!
You cannot just sit on your behind, eat what you like and be successful.
Someone that has hardly tried, not seen as much failure, or another words, not gained as much experience, may not have my same fear of failure. However, they may not have or will have to learn the skills to be successful.
I already have these tools. I have walked to path and gained the knowledge I KNOW will help me be successful in the end.
I Cannot allow fear to dictate my life anymore, it already has done so enough.
I cannot be afraid of failure, I have lots of practice and experience that will be to my benefit.
I cannot let those pesky thoughts rule me, they are just that...merely thoughts!
So now, I will continue to prepare my mind, body and spirit for big changes, and joyfully look fear in the face,drive forward, and laugh!!!
"There is no failure except in no longer trying."
Elbert Hubbard
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