 Ready to go into surgery-Feb 23, 2012 Three months have come and went!
It is hard to believe that is all the time that has passed!
I have seen dramatic changes in my weight and body,
and three months just seems like too short a time
for all the changes to have taken place.
Three months, and 71 pounds gone!
Three months and 4 sizes dropped!
Three months and going from the hospital bed to running a 5 K!
Three months and a giant leap in my self-esteem!
Who knew THREE months could produce such fantastic results?!!!
It's been painful!
It's been hard work!
It's challenged my emotions!
It's been expensive!
YET.........I AM SOOO GLAD I DID IT!!!
I still have plenty of work to do, but I am so excited to see what the next three months will bring!!!
Thanks to everyone's support during my journey thus far!
It hasn't went unnoticed, and it is so appreciated!!!
Reposting from a much earlier Blog Post- Just for me to remember where this all started....Powerful words that I NEED to remember!
I am nearly 38 years old, and yet, I feel as if life has passed me by. Yes, I have a family, a house, a dog and a job (two jobs actually) and I live a comfortable life. From the outside, I would appear to be fairly normal, doing the day to day grind to make a buck and taking the time to raise my family! On the inside, I feel very different though. I have nasty, ugly layers of fat that hold me back from living my life full of passion! I REALLY want to live a joyful life; where I am passionate about living, never letting a moment go by UN-noticed or UN-experienced. If I were to tap into ME, the REAL ME, I would find a fit person that loves to run, bike, participate in fun, athletic events; even grueling events that push the mind and body to its limits. I would have a career in the health arena where I could affect positive changes in others lives, and help them realize they can overcome their own trials. I would be a motivator, an inspiration. I would be happy, outgoing, UN-afraid to take risks and very energetic! I would be SUPER WOMAN!!! This is the real me...the inner me. This version of me really does exist. I have seen her around from time to time along my journey to fit! And when she is around....EVERYONE knows it! She is unmistakeably present and full of life! She is the life of the party, the go-to friend, full of endless energy. Light and warmth radiate from the core of her very being. Unfortunately, she doesn't stick around very long before the fat layers take back posession of my body and bury that vibrant lady under all its ugliness.
My struggle is REAL! My war with weight and to gain control of addictive eating behaviors are just as real to me, as a person that battles for their freedom from their oppressors across the seas. FAT IS MY OPPRESSOR!!! FOOD ADDICTIONs ARE MY OPPRESSORS! I wake up every day very aware of my battle. And sometimes, I just get plain tired of the battle and I throw my hands in the air and surrender to my appetites and strong genetic predispostions. The past year, has been one of those times.
One year ago, I weighed 60 pounds less than I do today. I had worked out fairly regularly for the couple years prior and felt like I could not EVER go back to my old ways. Then I got hit with a bout of sickness, depression and levels of stress from external events that put me over the edge. My workouts slowed, food intake increased, I started to feel the fat take back my life. I fought it for a few months, hanging on with a very small string. I would lose some ground, then take the ground back. I managed to wage an active battle for a while, then, it all got too much. Life started to pile more and more on me. Then...it broke....that tiny string I was holding onto broke. I did what I have done so many times before and tossed my hands in the air and surrendered to the power and debilitating effects of fat! I let it take me captive once again, and before long, the true me became enveloped and overcome by layers and layers of fat! One doughnut at a time, one missed workout at a time, one excuse at a time; and before long, I was gone! I was a mere shadow of me, a big fat, ugly shadow of my real self! I had once again became a prisoner to my own fat and my own fears or rejection because of that fat. I became depressed, withdrawn and I isolated myself from everyone, even those closest to me. I became so disgusted with who I allowed myself to become that I didn't want them to see me or judge me. I no longer felt worthy of being a good friend and my friends got pushed away, far away.
Well, today, I am declaring war again! I am taking back my life. I am so tired of being miserable and isolated! I miss me; my joyful, playful, fun me! I miss laughing, smiling, sharing my life with others. I miss my connections to others, my friendships, my family! I miss wanting to get out of bed everyday and being productive. I miss being able to put on my clothes and feel good in them. I miss feeling great, looking great, and being my vibrant self! Today...I am taking it back! I don't know exactly how or what I will do, or even how long it will take me, but I KNOW I am taking myself back. I will not be smothered any longer by this fat. I am declaring war, and this time....I WIN!!!
 Addiction is real my friends!
It is as real as the eyes on your face which are reading this blog with!
As I posted the other day, I have been struggling with my own personal addiction to food. I have not had cravings for many months now, and to feel cravings come back, is throwing me for a loop!
I know these foods are a large part of HOW I got so obese in the first place, and I KNOW I must avoid going back to certain habits.
First, I must avoid avoidance!
One of my habits in the past was to do what I wanted and not take accountability for those things.
I would eat what I wanted and then stick my head in the sand by not weighing in!
If I didn't weigh-in, I wasn't going to gain weight back....right???? WRONG!!!
I must avoid lack of accountability to myself and others.
I must weigh in daily, log food and exercise.
I must be accountable to you my readers, family and friends of my slip-ups as well as successes!
This is an area where I have fallen short time and time again!
I must avoid making excuses!
I am the queen of excuses!
If I don't feel like doing something....I just reach into my excuse box and voila, there is an excuse for anything and everything!!! When I work-out, I must push myself to the edge.....pain is weakness leaving the body!
I must not make and excuse of "I'm tired", "I'm sore", "I can't find time", "I am not a morning person", "I am sick", on and on and on......
If I don't stop making excuses now, I will fall back to old habits that have sabotaged me so, so, so many times before!
I must avoid all my trigger foods.....forever!!!
These foods include, foods higher in simple carbs such as white breads, crackers, potatoes, pastas.
They also include fatty foods, such as chips, fries, fried foods etc.
I must also at ALL costs, AVOID SUGARS! I am not able to eat much sugar, but I have found I not nearly as sensitive to them as I thought I would be....
I must not chew and spit items and I must avoid all things that are replacement foods such as
sugar free ice-cream and candy!
I must exercise 5-6 days a week!!!
This is CRUCIAL to my success and goals!
I love exercise, so this won't be hard to do, except when I get busy with work, it gets put on the back burner.
I am not a morning person, and I will just have to get over it, make my schedule and stick to it...
even if it means 5 am workouts, or 8 pm workouts.....I MUST workout!
Lastly, but not least....I must REALIZE and ACCEPT the fact I AM WORTH IT!!!
No more putting other things in front of my heath!
No more putting off exercise because I feel guilty leaving kids home while I do it!
No more, no more, no more!!!
The hardest part of my journey is upon me.....I MUST stay strong and be consistent!
I will not lose this battle!
I cannot lose this battle!
"If you do what you've always done, You'll get what you've always gotten"
~Anthony Robbins
 This week was one filled with a few emotional days; days that brought me back to heartbreak from years past.
I rarely have had flashbacks to the events and emotions from the past; but this week, my emotions were on the surface of my heart.
It had nothing to do with certain people or particular situations of my past.
Rather, it was a child that came to me with a heavy heart, and lots of questions about the direction of their own life. I will not go into any details, however, it made me reflect back on many feelings and emotions of my own past; choices, regrets and heartbreaks.
What, you may ask, does that have to do with addiction?
Well, I can tell you I learned a powerful lesson about addiction this week.
Addictive tendencies do not go away!!!
As my emotions ran their course, they created an impulse I have had countless times in my life.
I wanted to eat!!!
I wanted to grab anything junky and sweet and put it in my mouth and gorge.
I wanted to fill the emptiness and sorrow with food!
This is not something I expected. Sure, I had experienced these impulsive patterns many times in years past, but, I have been able to keep my food intake in check since I had my surgery.
I will say, that due to my surgery, I was not able to gorge.
But the surgery did not stop my desire to turn to food to cope with feelings and emotions.
I did eat some things that are taboo to me, such as small amounts of fatty foods, and some sugary candy which I chewed and spit out so as to not experience the discomfort they would present to me if they were digested.
These habits are part of addictive patterns.
I failed to listen to my body and its needs during this past week.
I failed to be conscientious of why I was eating, what I was eating, and ate as my body allowed.
I felt the downward spin as I fell back into old habits, and it scared the hell out of me.
Surgery does not take away addiction, it does make it hard to act on, but the addiction is still very much present.
Tendencies and thought processes are still very much there.
I now realize the importance of not letting my guard down.
Weight loss surgery is a tool to help me. It is a very powerful tool!
Regardless, if I do not heavily address my addiction, it will present itself over and over again in my life.
And that, my friends, is NOT a war I am willing to lose!
 Nutrition Bar
Luna Bar Minis
After unsuccessfully trying several other nutrition bars, I found these little gems! They are low in sugar, calories and fat and yummy! They are a great pick-me-up pre or post workout, and have lots of additional nutrients our bodies need!
Nutrition Facts
Calories 80
Total Fat 3 g
Potassium 55 mg
Total Carbs 10 g
Dietary Fiber 1 g
Sugars 5 g
Protein 4 g
Vitamin A 8% Calcium 15% Vitamin C 8% Iron10% 
Cookie Treat
Newtons Fruit Thins (Chocolate Raspberry)
Sometimes you just have to have something fruity and chocolate! These lovelies are just the thing to feed your craving! A serving is 3 large cookies, so you can save on calories by enjoying just one cookie! Not only are these low in calories, sugar and fat; they also have added fiber and protein!
Nutrition Facts
Calories 140
Total Fat 5 g
Potassium 80 mg
Total Carbs 21 g
Dietary Fiber 2 g
Sugars 7 g
Protein 2 g 
Post Work-Out Shake
Plant Fusion Protein Powder
After I had my weight-loss surgery, I found that I had developed an intolerance to whey products. I had also experienced a change in taste. The protein drinks I had previously enjoyed were now very sweet to me. After my hair began to fall out from lack of protein, I went on a mad hunt for a protein drink I would be able to digest and enjoy! I found this vegan protein which is non-dairy and no-soy. I was pleasantly surprised to find it also tasted great and did not have gritty texture like many other drinks. This powder is easily mixed with water in a shaker and has
no chalky aftertaste!
With 21 grams of protein, and plenty of amino acids, this makes a great post-workout solution!
Often times, Monday mornings are my motivation buster and I just cannot seem to get going!
That is why I have come up with Monday Motivations!
The first step to making any change is to accept that YOU are responsible!
This weeks Monday Motivation is all about erasing two very simple words from our language usage!
I CAN'T
How often do you find yourself using those dirty words?
 It was once pointed out to me that the words,
"I CAN'T"
should always be replaced by the words,
"I WON'T".
Using the words "I CAN'T" implies that we have NO control over our ability to make changes.
It implies that something other than ourselves is dictating to us that we cannot succeed.
It releases us from any responsibility, hence, releasing us from any consequence.
I think many of us are guilty of using those two dirty words when we lack motivation.
We may have limitations that affect what or how we can do things!
But, as long as we have free will, there is always a way around those limitations!
Rather than saying,
"I CAN'T" overcome my bad habits."
"I WON'T" overcome my bad habits."
These two phrases have very different meanings.
By changing "I CAN'T" to the words "I WON'T" implies ownership over your decisions.
It indicates choice, responsibility and therefor ownership over the consequences of that choice.
My motivation challenge for you this week is to listen to yourself as you reason WHY you are not making healthier lifestyle changes.
Change the words " I CAN'T" to " I WON'T"!
You will be surprised at how different you feel, and how your perspective changes!
It will also make you realize that NO ONE but you can be responsible for your health choices!
Only you can write your book! Now go make it a winning novel!
Ignore the Ads in this video and dates, I like it because its fun!!! Makes me wanna bust a move! : ) 
POUNDS GONE!!!!
Doing the HAPPY DANCE!!!
Love this....and OH SO TRUE!!!
We all have been blessed by great strengths!
We have also been BLESSED by great WEAKNESSES!
You may ask, weakness is a blessing???
Yes!!!
I believe we have all been given weaknesses to improve upon, learn from and in turn,
they become our strengths!
By turning our weaknesses into strengths, we gain the ability to influence and reach out to others with similar struggles, and in turn inspire them to change!
Now ask yourselves...
WHAT are MY weaknesses and
HOW can I change them into STRENGTHS?
Then ask....
HOW can I INSPIRE others to overcome theirs?
THEN.....GET TO WORK!
"Neither do men light a a candle, and put it under a bushel,
but on a candlestick;
and it giveth light unto all that are in the house."
Matthew 5:15
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