This week was one filled with a few emotional days; days that brought me back to heartbreak from years past.
I rarely have had flashbacks to the events and emotions from the past; but this week, my emotions were on the surface of my heart.
It had nothing to do with certain people or particular situations of my past.
Rather, it was a child that came to me with a heavy heart, and lots of questions about the direction of their own life.
I rarely have had flashbacks to the events and emotions from the past; but this week, my emotions were on the surface of my heart.
It had nothing to do with certain people or particular situations of my past.
Rather, it was a child that came to me with a heavy heart, and lots of questions about the direction of their own life.
I will not go into any details, however, it made me reflect back on many feelings and emotions of my own past; choices, regrets and heartbreaks.
What, you may ask, does that have to do with addiction?
Well, I can tell you I learned a powerful lesson about addiction this week.
Addictive tendencies do not go away!!!
As my emotions ran their course, they created an impulse I have had countless times in my life.
I wanted to eat!!!
I wanted to grab anything junky and sweet and put it in my mouth and gorge.
I wanted to fill the emptiness and sorrow with food!
This is not something I expected.
What, you may ask, does that have to do with addiction?
Well, I can tell you I learned a powerful lesson about addiction this week.
Addictive tendencies do not go away!!!
As my emotions ran their course, they created an impulse I have had countless times in my life.
I wanted to eat!!!
I wanted to grab anything junky and sweet and put it in my mouth and gorge.
I wanted to fill the emptiness and sorrow with food!
This is not something I expected.
Sure, I had experienced these impulsive patterns many times in years past, but, I have been able to keep my food intake in check since I had my surgery.
I will say, that due to my surgery, I was not able to gorge.
But the surgery did not stop my desire to turn to food to cope with feelings and emotions.
I did eat some things that are taboo to me, such as small amounts of fatty foods, and some sugary candy which I chewed and spit out so as to not experience the discomfort they would present to me if they were digested.
These habits are part of addictive patterns.
I failed to listen to my body and its needs during this past week.
I failed to be conscientious of why I was eating, what I was eating, and ate as my body allowed.
I felt the downward spin as I fell back into old habits, and it scared the hell out of me.
Surgery does not take away addiction, it does make it hard to act on, but the addiction is still very much present.
Tendencies and thought processes are still very much there.
I now realize the importance of not letting my guard down.
Weight loss surgery is a tool to help me. It is a very powerful tool!
Regardless, if I do not heavily address my addiction, it will present itself over and over again in my life.
And that, my friends, is NOT a war I am willing to lose!
I will say, that due to my surgery, I was not able to gorge.
But the surgery did not stop my desire to turn to food to cope with feelings and emotions.
I did eat some things that are taboo to me, such as small amounts of fatty foods, and some sugary candy which I chewed and spit out so as to not experience the discomfort they would present to me if they were digested.
These habits are part of addictive patterns.
I failed to listen to my body and its needs during this past week.
I failed to be conscientious of why I was eating, what I was eating, and ate as my body allowed.
I felt the downward spin as I fell back into old habits, and it scared the hell out of me.
Surgery does not take away addiction, it does make it hard to act on, but the addiction is still very much present.
Tendencies and thought processes are still very much there.
I now realize the importance of not letting my guard down.
Weight loss surgery is a tool to help me. It is a very powerful tool!
Regardless, if I do not heavily address my addiction, it will present itself over and over again in my life.
And that, my friends, is NOT a war I am willing to lose!
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