A young girl walked down a dead end street to a shortcut that lead to her local grocery store. It was a beautiful, warm spring day outside and she skipped along, feeling so happy and ready to spend the money in her pocket. As she skipped along, she allowed her mind to drift away into daydream land. She dreamed of candy, lots and lots of candy. Boxes and boxes of candy, delivered to her house, just for her. Oh how this little girl loved her sweets! She dreamed of winning a prize of a lifetime supply, enough that she could eat it all day long, every day. It was her dream, her obsession at such a young age. Her thoughts came back to her as she neared the door of the store. She headed right over to the candy isle, looked over the candy, counted her money and picked out several of the .25 cent snickers bars, a pack of sugary, grape bubble gum a bottle of soda pop and a roll of Mentos candy. She paid for her treats, walked home; taking her time and lingering in the neighbors’ field. She did not want to share with her siblings and so she ate every last bite of her snickers bars, eating them fast, so quickly, in fact, that she was unable to taste the sweet deliciousness of the bars. She just had to get the food in and feed her hunger and drive for the sugar. She washed down the snickers bars with her soda, threw away the signs of her purchase in the outside trash container and walked inside. She put her other candy and gum in her pocket for later and offered a piece to her little sister. The rest, she would hoard and consume on her own that afternoon. Not a trace would remain through the night to be enjoyed the next day. She felt sick to her stomach, but still feeling emptiness inside, she proceeded to eat dinner plus seconds, a couple glasses of milk and dessert. Her stomach was angry at her, but still, she ignored her physical signs of over eating. She left the table and went to daydream of a day that she could eat sugar all day, every day without anyone telling her she couldn’t.
This was not a fictional situation........
This was me, at about the age of 9 or 10. I had this behavior or similar behaviors all of my childhood, over and over. Every time I got money in my pocket, I would go to the local grocery store or dime store and spend every cent on sugary food. Sometimes I bought salty junkie food like Cheetos, but my allowances were always spent on food of some sort. I don’t recall one instance actually wanting to purchase a toy or book or anything else, nor did I save my money. It was always gone the same day I got it with no trace or proof it had existed, except for the empty wrappers left behind in the trash outside, a tummy ache from overeating and a flabby soft body. I had a serious compulsion to over-eat, even as a young child.
My Compulsions were not restricted to things I bought....
I remember so vividly walking the 7 blocks home from school and dreaming of the scents that were sure to waft through the front doors as I opened them. My Mother often baked. She baked cookies, muffins, breads and other deliciousness several times a week. If I was really lucky, she would have fresh bread dough, cut in squares, ready for frying into yummy, melt- in- your- mouth scones. My heart would jump for joy on those occasions. I loved to take the scone; hot and fresh from the hot oil and slather it would butter and so much honey, that it would run onto my hands when I took a bite. Thinking about it, even now, years later, my mouth waters with the memory of the smell and taste. The memory is vivid in my mind and I am able to recall all the senses I had eating those yummy scones. My Mom would load up plates with yummy hot scones and I would eat them one after another until they were completely gone. This pattern was the same with cookies, cakes and treats of all kinds. I would eat and eat and gorge myself until there was no more.
I always felt a bit guilty, a lot overfull and ashamed of how much I ate. This never stopped my behavior though and it continued throughout my childhood and well into my adulthood.
This was me, at about the age of 9 or 10. I had this behavior or similar behaviors all of my childhood, over and over. Every time I got money in my pocket, I would go to the local grocery store or dime store and spend every cent on sugary food. Sometimes I bought salty junkie food like Cheetos, but my allowances were always spent on food of some sort. I don’t recall one instance actually wanting to purchase a toy or book or anything else, nor did I save my money. It was always gone the same day I got it with no trace or proof it had existed, except for the empty wrappers left behind in the trash outside, a tummy ache from overeating and a flabby soft body. I had a serious compulsion to over-eat, even as a young child.
My Compulsions were not restricted to things I bought....
I remember so vividly walking the 7 blocks home from school and dreaming of the scents that were sure to waft through the front doors as I opened them. My Mother often baked. She baked cookies, muffins, breads and other deliciousness several times a week. If I was really lucky, she would have fresh bread dough, cut in squares, ready for frying into yummy, melt- in- your- mouth scones. My heart would jump for joy on those occasions. I loved to take the scone; hot and fresh from the hot oil and slather it would butter and so much honey, that it would run onto my hands when I took a bite. Thinking about it, even now, years later, my mouth waters with the memory of the smell and taste. The memory is vivid in my mind and I am able to recall all the senses I had eating those yummy scones. My Mom would load up plates with yummy hot scones and I would eat them one after another until they were completely gone. This pattern was the same with cookies, cakes and treats of all kinds. I would eat and eat and gorge myself until there was no more.
I always felt a bit guilty, a lot overfull and ashamed of how much I ate. This never stopped my behavior though and it continued throughout my childhood and well into my adulthood.
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