My entire life I spent obsessing about food. Most of my life, I have thought endlessly about being thin, fit, attractive; and believing that if I were all those things, people would love me!
I am not really sure why I have this thinking error, I suppose many people have the same thinking patterns. The older I get, the more I am aware that this belief is more and more common amongst our population, and even more prevalent in our children and youth. I believe I have had this thinking error as far back into my childhood as I can remember.
My childhood, I was chubby. Certainly not fat by today's standards, but chubby and soft. I was awkward and came from a large family with little means to buy fashionable clothing. I was youngest in my class and had issues of daydreaming and keeping focus in school Let's cut the the chase.....I was teased, tormented and basically alone for much of my primary school days.
One day in middle school, I realized I had a talent for running. I could run a long ways and faster than most my age. I formed a passion for running and all of a sudden, I started to become more attractive, more well-liked and I had friends! I imagine my thinking error became deeply implanted at that time.
I spent the remaining school years obsessing over my weight, running lots and eating little; except the times I gorged....which I did often, when I was alone and no one was watching. I gorged til I was so sick I felt like puking. I felt badly about my gorging, but, I just went out and ran more and starved myself more so I wouldn't gain weight.
Even with all the starving and working out, I was far larger than the other girls in my class. I was tall and large boned and often times, guys would moo at me and call me fat. I knew deep down that I wasn't fat....my hell, I could feel my hip bones protruding and my ribs were visible with no clothing on.
I definatly did not meet criteria to be overweight, but the standards of being a tiny size 5 was prevelant and I was lucky at my smallest to be an 10 or maybe an 8. I definatly had friends and boys liked me...well, the wrong kind of boys liked me most. The real popular ones went for the tiny short girls that could brandish a bikini and look amazing. I was merely a friend to most the guys, but I was well like by my peers...the thinner I got, the more liked I was. I would never go as far as stating that I was anorexic, however, I had already formed a hot and cold relationship with food, and I continued to become more severe in my obsessions with it.
I am not really sure why I have this thinking error, I suppose many people have the same thinking patterns. The older I get, the more I am aware that this belief is more and more common amongst our population, and even more prevalent in our children and youth. I believe I have had this thinking error as far back into my childhood as I can remember.
My childhood, I was chubby. Certainly not fat by today's standards, but chubby and soft. I was awkward and came from a large family with little means to buy fashionable clothing. I was youngest in my class and had issues of daydreaming and keeping focus in school Let's cut the the chase.....I was teased, tormented and basically alone for much of my primary school days.
One day in middle school, I realized I had a talent for running. I could run a long ways and faster than most my age. I formed a passion for running and all of a sudden, I started to become more attractive, more well-liked and I had friends! I imagine my thinking error became deeply implanted at that time.
I spent the remaining school years obsessing over my weight, running lots and eating little; except the times I gorged....which I did often, when I was alone and no one was watching. I gorged til I was so sick I felt like puking. I felt badly about my gorging, but, I just went out and ran more and starved myself more so I wouldn't gain weight.
Even with all the starving and working out, I was far larger than the other girls in my class. I was tall and large boned and often times, guys would moo at me and call me fat. I knew deep down that I wasn't fat....my hell, I could feel my hip bones protruding and my ribs were visible with no clothing on.
I definatly did not meet criteria to be overweight, but the standards of being a tiny size 5 was prevelant and I was lucky at my smallest to be an 10 or maybe an 8. I definatly had friends and boys liked me...well, the wrong kind of boys liked me most. The real popular ones went for the tiny short girls that could brandish a bikini and look amazing. I was merely a friend to most the guys, but I was well like by my peers...the thinner I got, the more liked I was. I would never go as far as stating that I was anorexic, however, I had already formed a hot and cold relationship with food, and I continued to become more severe in my obsessions with it.
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