My struggle is REAL! My war with weight and to gain control of addictive eating behaviors are just as real to me, as a person that battles for their freedom from their oppressors across the seas. FAT IS MY OPPRESSOR!!! FOOD ADDICTIONs ARE MY OPPRESSORS! I wake up every day very aware of my battle. And sometimes, I just get plain tired of the battle and I throw my hands in the air and surrender to my appetites and strong genetic predispostions. The past year, has been one of those times.
One year ago, I weighed 60 pounds less than I do today. I had worked out fairly regularly for the couple years prior and felt like I could not EVER go back to my old ways. Then I got hit with a bout of sickness, depression and levels of stress from external events that put me over the edge. My workouts slowed, food intake increased, I started to feel the fat take back my life. I fought it for a few months, hanging on with a very small string. I would lose some ground, then take the ground back. I managed to wage an active battle for a while, then, it all got too much. Life started to pile more and more on me. Then...it broke....that tiny string I was holding onto broke. I did what I have done so many times before and tossed my hands in the air and surrendered to the power and debilitating effects of fat! I let it take me captive once again, and before long, the true me became enveloped and overcome by layers and layers of fat! One doughnut at a time, one missed workout at a time, one excuse at a time; and before long, I was gone! I was a mere shadow of me, a big fat, ugly shadow of my real self! I had once again became a prisoner to my own fat and my own fears or rejection because of that fat. I became depressed, withdrawn and I isolated myself from everyone, even those closest to me. I became so disgusted with who I allowed myself to become that I didn't want them to see me or judge me. I no longer felt worthy of being a good friend and my friends got pushed away, far away.
Well, today, I am declaring war again! I am taking back my life. I am so tired of being miserable and isolated! I miss me; my joyful, playful, fun me! I miss laughing, smiling, sharing my life with others. I miss my connections to others, my friendships, my family! I miss wanting to get out of bed everyday and being productive. I miss being able to put on my clothes and feel good in them. I miss feeling great, looking great, and being my vibrant self! Today...I am taking it back! I don't know exactly how or what I will do, or even how long it will take me, but I KNOW I am taking myself back. I will not be smothered any longer by this fat. I am declaring war, and this time....I WIN!!!